Oh God, I want to be a man
I want to be a prince who saves beautiful princesses
and I want to have flowers in my hair
I want to be a boy
a beautiful clown boy with a tearful smile
and white gloves on my hands
and black humor on my tongue
I want to be a faggot, a fairy, a fruit
I am a bruised peach
I want to be the effeminate necromancer
who raises chivalry from its ancient grave
I want to save, I want to be saved
Ah Jesus loves me
he loves my degenerate heretic self
I want to take a woman home
and cloy her with my syrupy eyes
and carve the word ROMANCE into her heart
and fuck her like a man would though I have no cock
I would do better than any man would
I would be sweeter and softer
and she would be so deliciously frightened
of the ghostly silk-skinned disgusting woman-man in bed with her
I want to rot, decay
emerge sparkling from a slime-covered flower garden
like a monstrous flamboyant deformed monarch butterfly
I want to be a man
I want to be a man
I want to be a man
I want to be beautiful and handsome and sharp as a blade
a knight in dark armor
with roses strangling my ribcage
overgrowing the bones, the thorns digging into my bleeding heart
and my lady's lacework pinned to the hilt of my sword
I want to be disgusting and holy and dripping with glitter
I want to make a king worship me sordidly
I want to sweep a spinster queen off her feet
I want to be a girly dark knight
Oh God I think I am a man
I think I am a butterfly
I think I am glowing